Asking for help is a superpower, part II
I wrote before about grabbing the phone instead of sending a text. These days there's a third option that's overtaken both without anyone really noticing, we don't just avoid the call, we ask AI instead.
We use it as a therapist. As Google. As a calculator, a sounding board, a second opinion on almost everything. And increasingly, it's starting to define what can be done and what can't, or at least it feels that way. That's worth pausing on, because what we're actually leaning on is something abstract. It communicates like a person sometimes, but it isn't one. It's a system fed by everyone who's ever used it, collecting patterns and handing them back to you as an answer.
That can be genuinely useful. Quick information, a fast calculation, a different angle on a problem you're stuck on, all real value. But it can also send you in the wrong direction entirely, and the biggest risk isn't that it's wrong. It's that it tends to tell you what you want to hear.
Think about what that actually means in practice. You're upset with a decision someone made, and you type out your side of it. The system reflects your frustration back at you, validates it, helps you build the case for why you were right. It rarely says, have you considered you might be the problem here, because that's not what keeps someone typing. A good friend does exactly the opposite. A good friend listens to your version, then says the thing you didn't want to hear, and means it, because they actually care whether you get this right, not whether you keep coming back.
That difference matters more the bigger the question gets. Asking a system whether to take a job, end a relationship, or push through a hard decision gets you an answer built from patterns, not from anyone who knows what's actually at stake for you specifically. It sounds considered. It isn't the same as someone who's watched you make decisions before and knows exactly where you tend to fool yourself.
I don't think AI should be avoided, it's a genuinely powerful tool, and it's not going anywhere. But it needs to stay exactly what it is, something that helps and assists, not something that replaces the one thing it fundamentally can't do.
A voice has an intonation that carries emotion no message ever will. Eyes carry sincerity you can actually see. A posture, a pause, the way someone leans in when they're really listening, that's what gives you goosebumps, what gives you courage, what actually moves you forward. None of that transmits through a screen. Not a text, not a WhatsApp voice note, not a conversation with a machine built to sound like it understands you.
So the advice stands, maybe more than ever. When you need help, actually need it, grab the phone. Call your friend. Talk.
(This follows on from an earlier note, Asking for help is a superpower, if you'd like the full first half, you can find it here: https://www.jeroenwats.com/notes/asking-for-help-is-a-superpower)
